This morning, Marcus went riding with a couple of men he met on an online mountainbiking forum. The men had never met in person before, and as they got to know each other one of them who'll I'll call 'Cookie' (because that, inexplicably, is what everyone else called him), unabashedly, unapologetically and quite casually used the word 'nigger.'

What made this all the more astounding is that by the time he used the word, he already knew Marcus' wife and daughter are black. He honestly and stupidly assumed that since Marcus is white he wouldn't have an issue with the term.

When Marcus told me about this later, I naturally lost. my. ever-loving. mind. I'm feeling much calmer now. But what I do want to say is this:

You all seem like a pretty enlightened bunch, so I may be preaching to the choir, here; nonetheless, I implore you that the next time you're in a conversation with someone and that person makes a racist or bigoted comment, please speak up. I'm not saying that you need to go postal, or incite violence, or curse a blue streak at them, but please don't just politely remain silent and let it go unaddressed. I could be wrong, but I suspect that it wasn't Cookie's first time using that word, and I further suspect that those who heard him in the past didn't know how to respond, so they just remained in uncomfortable silence -- leading Cookie to believe that his use of racist epithets is actually okay with certain audiences.

You might be thinking, 'Yes, Karen, but when this happens I never know WHAT to say.' To that, I'll share this story:

Back in law school, I was friends with a woman named Julie Gonzales.* Julie was a white woman, but she was married to a Mexican man, hence her last name. One day, we were sitting in the student lounge talking, and another classmate joined us -- one whom we didn't know very well. During our conversation, he said something very derogatory about Mexicans. I remember cringing at the time, but before I could say anything Julie piped up, 'Hmm. That's very odd you'd say that, because some of my best friends are Mexican.' And she looked at him pointedly, without smiling.

At first, this person looked at her confusedly, and as his expression changed to realization you could almost hear his thoughts: Oh God ... 'Gonzales' ... oh God... I remember looking at Julie and smiling, and she smiled back. The transgressor quickly changed the subject, and we continued our conversation. Nothing more was ever said, but I suspect that he thought twice the next time he wanted to say anything racially stupid.

Anyway, seriously, if you find such language distasteful, please, say something. The person isn't going to hate you for it. He's not going to hit you. He'll probably feel uncomfortable for a minute and then change the subject. But hopefully, because of you, that'll be the last time he uses those types of words in company.

* Not her real name.